Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/40

 "For tithes!" replied the Quaker, "upon what account?"

"Why, for preaching in the church."

"Oh, then," replied the Quaker, "I have nothing to pay thee; for I come not there."

"Oh, but you might" objected the clergyman, "for the doors are always open at convenient times."

The Quaker immediately entered his action against the reverend for forty shillngs. The parson inquired for what he owned the money?

"Truly, friend," replied the Quaker, "for trimming."

"For trimming! why I was never trimmed by you in my life."

"Oh," was the reply, "but thou mightst have come and been trimmed, if thou hadst pleased, for my doors are always open at convenient times as well as thine." [11]

Hartley Coleridge once being asked which of Wordsworth's productions he considered the prettiest, promptly replied, "His daughter Dora."

Lord Richardson, riding abroad in his coach to take air, and passing by a carman whose horses were of unequal fatness, called out, "Sirrah, sirrah, resolve me one question: Why is your foremost horse so lusty and pampered, and the rest such lean jades?"

The carman, not knowing the judge, but deeming him a lawyer, from his habit, answered, "Why, the reason is plain enough; my fore horse is the counsellor, and all the rest his clients. "

A supper of sheep's heads was proposed, and presently served. One gentleman present was particularly enthusiastic on the excellence of the dish, and as he threw down his knife and fork, exclaimed, "Well, sheep's heads for ever! say I."

Douglas Jerrold, who was present, at once remarked: "There's egoism." [25]

A young man having preached for his bishop, was anxious to get a word of applause for his labour of love. The bishop, however,