Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/36

 in this case the counsel on both sides are unintelligible; the witnesses are incredible; and both the plaintiff and defendant are such bad characters, that to me it is indifferent which way you give your verdict."

One of Bishop Bloomfield's best bons mots was uttered during his last illness.

He inquired what had been the subject of his two archdeacons' charges, and was told that one was "On the Art of Making Sermons," and the other "On Churchyards." "Oh, I see," said the bishop—"Composition and decomposition."

A man having published another as a liar, a scoundrel, and a poltroun, the latter complains that he does not spell poltroon correctly.

When Black-Eyed Susan was in rehearsal at the Surrey Theatre, an important person—in his own estimation—strutted upon the stage, and, speaking of Elliston, the bacchanalian manager, exclaimed in an angry voice, —

"How is this? I can see a duke or a prime minister any time in the morning, but I can never see Mr Elliston."

"There's one comfort," Douglas Jerrold replied, "if Elliston is invisible in the morning, he'll do the handsome thing any afternoon by seeing you twice, for at that time of day he invariably sees double." [25]

In the year 1880, happening to be in Birmingham during the period covered by the General Election of that year, I called on a jeweller in New Street, to show him some beautiful engravings. While in the act, Dr, a leading Tory, drove up and entered.

The jeweller said to me, "Here come's Dr, I will introduce you to him, and he will be pleased to see your engravings." Accordingly he did so, saying: "You are fond of beautiful things, Doctor; just look here."

"Oh, yes, Mr D," said the Doctor (who was a bachelor), looking at Mrs D, who was present. "Yes, I'm fond of everything beautiful, from a lady upwards."