Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/28

 Hall with his large bag full of briefs, he was impudently accosted by a boy, who asked him if he was a dealer in old clothes. "No," replied the barrister, "these are all new suits."

"Doctor," said a friend, stopping him in the street, "what do you take for a heavy cold?"

"A fee," replied the doctor, softly, and passed on.

A canon of Windsor enjoying a stroll, One day when the evening was fine. Met one of his vicars, a right jolly soul. Now rather elated with wine.

"Ah, sir," said the latter, a little dismayed, "To see me, you wonder, no doubt; I've stayed over long with my friend, I'm afraid, Indeed, we've been spinning it out."

"From your manner of walking your tale I don't doubt, Though 'tis wrong in these follies to roam; I see," he replied, "you've been spinning it out. And now you are reeling it home."

A deacon once formed his Sunday-school into line, and marched them along the aisles—himself in front—singing: "Hold the Fort." The consternation which seized all parties at the second stanza— "See the mighty host advancing, Satan leading on—" can be better imagined than described. Deacon B. has objected to new methods ever since.

At a dinner-party not long since, an eminent Bishop was heard to read the following letter from his housekeeper with a perfectly unmoved countenance: "My lord, the emu has laid an egg; in your lordship's absence, I have put it under the biggest goose."

A spunger was reproached one day for dining so often among his friends,

"What would you have me do?" answered he: "I am pressed to do it."