Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/27

 long on the sexton's misconduct, as to raise his indignation so far as to draw from him this expression: "Sir, I was in hopes you would have treated my failings with more gentleness, or that you would have been the last man alive to appear against me, as I have covered so many blunders of yours."

Pope, who was small and deformed, sneering at the ignorance of a young man, asked if he knew what an interrogation was. "Yes, sir," said he, "'tis a little crooked thing that asks questions."

A fellow set out a sign pretending to cure agues, which he spelled egoes. Some one said to Swift, "How does that fellow profess to cure agues?" He replied, "I don't know, but I am sure it is not by spell."

Dunning, the celebrated barrister, was addicted to the low and unpardonable vice of turning witnesses into ridicule at their examinations. One morning he was telling Mr Solicitor-General Lee that he had bought a few good manors in Devonshire, near his native village of Ashburton.

"I wish," said Lee, "you would bring some of them into Westminster Hall; for, upon my honour, you have most need of them there."

Campbell Forster was once addressing a jury, and was much annoyed by Digby Seymour's carrying on a conversation the while. Presently he lost patience, and in his best brogue said, "Pray, Mr Saymore, be quiet." "My name is not Saymore, but Seymour," corrected Digby; whereupon Forster angrily rejoined, "Then, sir, see more, and say less."

A young lady at school, engaged in the study of grammar, was asked if "Kiss" was a common or proper noun. After some hesitation she replied, "It is both common and proper, according to circumstances."

A poor man being laughed at for wearing a short cloak, said, "It will be long enough before I have done with it."

One day when a celebrated barrister was on his way to