Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/26

 A little urchin, who understood the condition of the room better than the speaker's rhetoric, shouted out, "To hide the dirt, sir!"

Since Lord Rosslyn's death we have seen no allusion to the well-known manner in which he received his appointment as Lord High Commissioner to the Church of Scotland. His services to his party, and his undoubted abilities, made it impossible to pass him over. "What can we do with Rosslyn?" said Dizzy. "Make him Master of the Buckhounds, as his father was," suggested one of his colleagues. "No," said the Premier, "he swears far too much for that; we will make him High Commissioner to the Church of Scotland!" And an excellent commissioner he made. [17]

When Boswell was introduced to Johnson in Mr Davies' back parlour, recollecting the strong prejudice of the great man towards the Scotch, he begged his host not to tell where he came from. This at once put it into Davies' head to introduce him as "from Scotland."

Boswell, fearful of the effect this might have, exclaimed, "Mr Johnson, I do indeed come from Scotland, but I cannot help it."

He received the crushing answer: "That, sir, I find, is what a very great many of your countrymen cannot help." [26]

A young man from the country lately volunteered his services to escort a young lady home from a party. On his way he cudgelled his brains for some interesting topic of conversation to amuse her with, but in vain; he could hit upon nothing until they met several cows, when the swain said, with much simplicity of manner, "Now, isn't it strange, what a motherly appearance a cow has?" To which the lady replied, "I do not think it strange, sir, that a cow should have a motherly appearance—to a calf." The beau was silent during the rest of the walk.

A gentleman, who went to take a lodging, asked the maid-servant, a remarkably handsome girl, whether she was to be let with the lodging. She answered, "No, she was to be let alone."

Dr A, physician at Newcastle, being summoned to a vestry in order to reprimand the sexton for drunkenness, he dwelt so