Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/25

 easier to retain the books themselves than what is contained in them."

An English gentleman has the following quotations on a name-plate which he places in every one of his books. At the top it reads: "The wicked borroweth and payeth not again." At the bottom: "Go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves." The beauty of these quotations is that they "hit" none but transgressors, and do not touch any who choose to keep themselves outside their scope, by either buying books or returning those they have borrowed.

The unscrupulousness of some borrowers is no doubt tacitly referred to in the Scripture passage: "Lend, hoping for nothing in return." [20] Sir Walter Scott said that bad arithmeticians were often very good book-keepers; and it is the general opinion that more people understand book-keeping than book-returning. Why there is less shame felt by people who borrow books and forget or neglect to return them, than is felt on account of other borrowed articles—for example, money—is a mystery.

Turner the painter was a ready wit. Once, at a dinner, where several artists, amateurs, and literary men were convened, a poet, by way of being very facetious, proposed as a toast the health of the painters and glaziers of Great Britain, The toast was drunk, and Turner, after returning thanks for it, proposed the health of the British paper-stainers.

Dr Johnson treated Mrs Siddons, who called upon him in Bolt Court, with the most marked politeness. Frank, his servant, could not immediately bring her a chair.

"You see, madam," said the Doctor, "wherever you go, there isn't a seat to be had."

A clergyman was descanting to the boys in a day school on the necessity of growing up good and useful citizens. In order to give emphasis to his remarks by appealing to their patriotic feelings, he pointed to a large flag hung up on the wall of the school, and exclaimed, "Boys, what is that for?"