Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/22

 Sydney Smith was advised, when ill, to take a morning walk upon an empty stomach. "Upon whose?" was his inquiry. [3]

A woman quarrelling with her husband, told him she believed if she was to die he would marry the devil's daughter. "The law does not allow a man to marry two sisters," replied the tender husband.

May a man marry his wife's sister? is a question which can only be properly answered by the sister herself when the widower makes a proposal.

"I am an agnostic," remarked a young man, in a proud and dignified tone of voice. "And an agnostic is what?" inquired an elderly gentleman. "An agnostic," replied the smart youth, in a manner full of pity for the old man's ignorance, "an agnostic is a fellow, don't you know, who isn't sure of anything." "I see," was the reply; "but how does it happen that you are so sure you are an agnostic?"

The late Mr Thorold Rogers used to relate an amusing incident of his experience during the 1885 elections. Some of the replies which he received during the canvass were more expressive than polite, and upon one occasion, in response to the stereotyped request, a voter answered indignantly, "No, I won't: I would see you in h first!" The Professor received the outburst in a very resigned spirit, and meekly replied, "Well, my friend, in case I do get there, I should say that you will be pretty sure to see me." [17]

Here is another story of that racy humour with which the late Professor Thorold Rogers often delighted his friends, and occasionally offended his opponents. Some few years ago, before he lost his seat, he took a great interest in the condition of the Thames, and did what he could to induce Sir James McGarel Hogg, the chairman of the Metropolitan Board of Works, to improve it; but his efforts were in vain, and the Professor sought revenge. He went down to the Thames and filled a square bottle with some water that was excellent as a specimen of the