Page:Essays and Addresses.djvu/186

 "Poseidon— Do you mean to say, Hermes, that you are going to put this dog-faced Egyptian above me, Poseidon?

"Hermes—Yes, my Earth-shaker; but Lysippus made you of poor bronze, as the Corinthians had no gold at the time, and this god is whole mines richer. So you must pocket the indignity, and not be put out if you have to sit below the possessor of such a splendid golden nose.

"Aphrodite—Now, Hermes, me a place in the front seats; I am golden.

"Hermes—Madam, I really cannot perceive it. Unless I am very purblind, you are of white marble, from the quarry of Pentelicus, a goddess by the grace of Praxiteles, and the property of the good people of Cnidus by contract...."

After several other protests—including one from the Colossus of Rhodes on the score of his weight—all the members of the assembly are seated. Silence is proclaimed, and all are waiting for Zeus to open the proceedings, when he whispers to Hermes, in great agitation, that he has forgotten every word of an elaborate exordium which he had prepared:—

"Hermes (aside, to Zeus)—Do as the orators do—take the opening of one of the Philippics, just changing a word or two.

"Zeus—Yes, a very good suggestion.

"Hermes—Begin, then, do.

"Zeus—Few things, I believe, would be more gratifying to the honourable deities in this House than to learn the nature of the business for which it has now been convoked. Such being the case, I may venture to ask for your close attention. The present crisis, I would tell this House, has almost an articulate voice, with which it proclaims that we must lay a vigorous grasp on the opportunity which will else elude us. To this opportunity, I fear, honourable members are but too indifferent......I cannot remember any more Demosthenes......Well, I want to tell you plainly what alarmed me into calling this meeting. Yesterday, as you know. Captain Goodman, the skipper, offered a thanksgiving