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Rh

Very many thanks for your visit yesterday. It is the only pleasure I have. I believe what you say is true--that I am reaping the result of evil done in the past and that only the real way to atone is to meet it squarely and accept my punishment without grumbling. If Karma is true, it is just, and I shall get what I deserve, and not an iota more.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am to you for being so lenient to me and even writing to the District Attorney on my behalf. I am truly grateful, Blackwood. Please do not think I am not sorry for what I have done, or that I am not really penitent, for I am indeed.

It was bitterly cold last night and I was awfully glad to have my overcoat, and blessed you for sending it. I know you got it out of pawn for me, and that is another kindness.

Again, for the last time probably, I thank you for your many acts of kindness. I bitterly regret and earnestly repent for the manner I treated you, returning evil for good, and I shall think much of you when serving my time under a blazing sun or in my cramped and chilly cell.

I have just been to the Court House and pleaded guilty. My sentence is remanded till Friday week. If I could only get that lawyer I might get the sentence reduced a little. But Judge Smythe is a very hard man. My small hopes were dashed away on hearing that you had been subpœnaed to go before the Grand Jury this morning.

Now all hope is gone; only blank, blank despair; no hope, all is dark. I wish I could die--much rather that than suffer this awful remorse. Do you know I sometimes think I am going mad? When I come out I shall be too old for the army, and what else can a felon, a criminal, a convict do? Is crime the only refuge? Shall I sink lower and lower? Will what small sense of decency and honour I have left be utterly destroyed and made callous by propinquity with other criminals?

What a frightful nightmare to conjure up! Nightmare? No, it is only too true; it is stern, inexorable reality. Thank you for sending the clothes. I had no change before. Bless you!

What follows I wish to write voluntarily. It is a Confession and relieves me--

I certainly wish to convey to you the fact of my sincere and deep sorrow for the shameful manner I treated you and abused your confidence and kindness. I fear that one of my letters Rh