Page:Eminent Authors of Contemporary Japan, volume 2.pdf/169

Rh but it was mixed with an almost unbearable impartienceimpatience [sic]. I had a desperate feeling that I must do something. But the idea of murder never entered my head as it had done the previous night, nor did I feel any anxiety at all over the coming performance of that evening. If I had been at all anxious, I should perhaps not have selected such kind of turn for that day’s programme. We had many kinds of turns besides that one. Even until the very moment for us to perform our act that evening, I had no murderous intention in my mind.

“I outcut [sic] up a sheet of paper with my knives first of all to show the spectators how very sharp they were. Soon my wife appeared. She was thickly rouged and powdered and was dressed in a gorgeous Chinese garment. Her attitude was as usual. Greeting the spectators with a pleasant smile, she placed her body in a standing position before the thick wooden board. Then taking my knives, I stood facing her, at some distance away. It was the first time that we had stood face to face since the previous night. It was then that I first teltfelt [sic] the danger of having selected that particular performance for that evening. The thought suddenly came to me that it would be necessary for me to keep my nerves as steady as possible, for fear of making a mistake. I must keep control over my giddiness.

“But however much I tried to be calm, I was still conssiousconscious [sic] of a great fatigue of heart, body and soul. Then I began to loslose [sic] confidence. I tried to shut my eyes and keep cool, but a giddy feeling stole over me.