Page:Emily Climbs.pdf/83

 she was afraid of it—afraid of living for ever and for ever; she said she was sure she would get awfully tired of herself. I said I thought I liked Dean’s idea of a succession of lives—I can’t make out from him whether he really believes that or not—and Ilse said that might be all very well if you were sure of being born again as a decent person, but how about it if you weren’t?

“‘Well, you have to take some risk in any kind of immortality,’ I said.

‘Anyhow,’ said Ilse, ‘whether I am myself or somebody else next time, I do hope I won’t have such a dreadful temper. If I just go on being myself I’ll smash my harp and tear my halo to pieces and pull all the feathers out of the other angels’ wings half an hour after getting to heaven. You know I will, Emily. I can’t help it. I had a fiendish quarrel with Perry yesterday again. It was all my fault—but of course he vexed me by his boasting. I I could control my temper.’

“I don’t mind Ilse’s rages one bit now—I know she never means anything she says in them. I never say anything back. I just smile at her and if I’ve a bit of paper handy I jot down the things she says. This infuriates her so that she chokes with anger and can’t say anything more. At all other times Ilse is a darling and such good fun.

“‘You can’t control your rages because you like going into them,’ I said.

“Ilse stared at me.

“‘I don’t—I don’t.’

“‘You do. You enjoy them,’ I insisted.

“‘Well, of course,’ said Ilse, grinning, ‘I do have a good time while they last. It’s awfully to say the most insulting things and call the worst names. I believe you’re right, Emily. I enjoy them. Queer I never thought of it. I suppose if I really were unhappy in them I wouldn’t go into them. But after they’re over—I’m so remorseful. I cried for an hour yesterday after fighting with Perry.’