Page:Elizabeth Jordan--Tales of the cloister.djvu/37

 that day? How afraid I was to die! That has passed. Afterwards I had other moods, almost as hard to bear. I longed to get away from here. I wanted to die out in the world, with my own people around me. I wanted to be where I was a part of life—as he is. And then I remembered that even if I were in the world I should have to leave it, and that here I am apart from it, and in either case there could be no real life for me. The end that is approaching is the best solution of the problem, of course, for it is our Lord's solution. Do not think I have lost my faith; it was never stronger than now. What would life mean to me—a nun whose final vows have been taken and who had let anything come between them and her? This tragedy is not of my own making; I did not seek it. It came when I was weakest, and I had not the strength to fight against it. I did try to fight when I knew what it was," she added, wearily, "but I could not. Everything came together—my illness, my despair, my sudden longing to go back to the outside, natural life. And then he came. And I remembered him. And the old friendly feeling returned—unconsciously at first—"

The words, which had for some moments been almost inaudible, died on her lips. She was so weak she could hardly swallow the