Page:Edward Prime-Stevenson - The Intersexes.djvu/610

 keeping one's friends! We must take pains to be lucid—or to seem lucid—or else we will be alone in the world. Platen's gradual sense of his own social defects cost him many sad moments.

He had almost determined to leave the army, as 1816 ended. But he returned to Munich (January 17, 1817) and passed the winter still in duty, though really mostly busy with hard study of literatures and languages. It is here that he speaks often (and regretfully) of being sure that, however graceful his verses have been, he has no right to think of ever becoming a real poet: The friendships with Perglas, Schnitzlein, Fugger, Lüder, and others continued. It was in this winter that the strange little episode of Perglas's escapade from duty took place—as has been mentioned in a preceding paragraph, (Febr. 2—3, 1817) Occasionally the un-met Brandenstein appeared in the city, and stirred the old fires up again; glowingly too. One entry (Feb. 15, 1817) remarks: "I doubt if Federigo be the last individual in whom I shall seek an ideal friend—whom I shall, however, never realize." This remark is eloquent of the fate of most such refined homosexuals. The- Spring of 1817 was Platen's final one of military service. He describe himself sadly as "drawing more within myself" daily; as "not having one single friend" at this time. That remark means merely that he was not in love with any young man, in spite of all his affectionate friendships; and that he was longing to be so in love! Such a status is classic. It is not badly described in a graceful trifle by Francis Beaumont,—this "Pining for Love" on general principles—and quite impersonally: