Page:Edward Prime-Stevenson - The Intersexes.djvu/605

 self-contempt for what he thought was a sort of vapourish weakness in him, apart from moral questions involved, quite filled him with unhappiness. A few weeks later, perfectly worn out with self-introspection, he went and confided the whole story of his excited heart to his good and true friend, Schnitzlein. The step was dangerous. Many friends might have cast off the confessor of such "abnormal" passions. But not so young Schnitzlein. He did not pretend to understand Platen's nature. He was wholly Dionian—we may infer. But his affection to Platen held firm. He gave him excellent advice toward proper self-restraint, resolution and silence; and generally showed himself to be a model friend. In fact, all through Platen's most detailed grandes passions we find that Schnitzlein and Max von Grüber were his best guides and guards.

Nevertheless, in spite of this relief by having such a confidant, Platen had many unhappy days and nights till the end of the Wilhelm von Hornstein love-passion. He came at last to a slight acquaintance with Hornstein; one of speaking terms only. He got no comfort from that, because he did not enter into any real acquaintance by it, and also because he saw no signs that Hornstein was in any wise attracted to himself. The entries of March and April, in this same year, are positively despairing. Several times Platen considers suicide. Filial duty and religion restrain him: "… O, if I could but mark one single sign of his kindly- interest, or even of his notice of me! I am without rest! I cannot stay in this condition!—it disgusts me. I can think of only one thing. I may be called the weakest and most contemptible of men—I cannot help that." Again we hear him exclaim (March 23, 1816) "I am lost! I see it clearly and plainly that I am lost! … Mock me, ridicule me, scorn me, ye men—I cannot help it. All my will, all my concentration, I have brought to bear—but only one subject can I think of, day and night. I spoke with him to-day,