Page:Edward Prime-Stevenson - The Intersexes.djvu/193

 contest several times, detesting myself for my weakness, overcome by love, But I allowed myself what relations came from the surrender only when I was sure that the boy was plainly of the same temperament, was eager to be the object of my passion, and would be perfectly secretive. Even this qualified liberty led to several intimacies … I call God to witness that always, then as now, it is the spiritual traits of the youth that mostly draw me to him … The most violent affair of this sort, my love for L—K— led me to consider suicide, and for a time interrupted my whole life … Even now, when the physical passion for beautiful and noble boys has passed from my nature, so that my interest and admiration is intellectual, I shudder to think of those six years in W—. The nervous cost to my life was permanent".

The ensuing is from a correspondent, now a man of mature years.

"Among first influences to strengthen my uranistic instincts, were four years at the E— school. I was a handsome lad, full of all sorts of romantic notions. My Greek tutor was one of the most winning men that I have ever met. At about thirty years of age, he was of unusual attractiveness; athletic, robust, elegant, with beautiful features. I simply fell in love with him! The sentiment was a real misery. I did not dare to let Mr. Z— see it. I was tormented with hopes, fears, and bitter jealousy also of one other schoolmate for whom Mr. Z— appeared to care specially. This "rival" was much more clever than I … In my second school-year when I was fourteen, to my great joy two things occurred. My rival (who never knew himself such, I am sure) went away. At the same time, I found that Mr. Z— was disposed to become more interested in me. At length, the passion on my side came to my open confession. It was made in a burst of angry feeling, because of Mr. Z—'s