Page:Edward Prime-Stevenson - The Intersexes.djvu/180

 "The first incident that I remember in which my premature homosexualism was unmistakably shown, came when I was less than seven years old. It is curious enough to be specially mentioned. I usually slept by myself, in a little room ajoiningadjoining [sic] my brother S—'s room; that is to say, after I was no longer in the nursery, with a female attendant. One day there came to visit my brother S— (who was about fifteen) a schoolmate from the same boarding-school that S— attended. This guest, young A—, was a very handsome boy, about seventeen. (He grew up to be a particularly good-looking young man of twenty-four, at which age he was drowned in the Hudson.) This lad occupied my brother S—'s room during his week's stay. S— slept in another part of the house. From the first moment that I saw G—, he had what I now see was a most extraordinary "sexual attraction" for my little self. I fairly "fell in love" with him. For the first time, I began to take definite interest in the idea of seeing a nude male body. For, A— became the special object of this instinctively homosexual passion. I had to go to bed considerably earlier than A—, or my brother; the two often did not come to A—'s room till I was asleep, or should have been so. Also my brother's presence hindered my curiosity, night and morning. But I soon became adroit, and was nervously wakeful enough to get the better of such difficulties. The sight of A— as he undressed, even before I first saw him quite naked (in the way I shall describe) made me violently "excited" in my mind; though I do not at this time remember how far, at so early an age, there was a physical effect of the kind. (I was capable of strong erectio at eleven.) One morning, very early, I woke up, and just as if I had thought of nothing else all night, almost at once I slipped out of my bed, and stole into the room where A— was sleeping. Trembling I approached his bedside, and looked at him. A— did not wake, being a sound sleeper. For some time I gazed in an indescribable interest, pleasure and