Page:Edward Prime-Stevenson - The Intersexes.djvu/110

 it was not broken-up by the head-master. After the friend mentioned left school, R— was inconsolable, though he had grown alert as to hiding his feelings. A new pupil came, with whose good-looks, talents and character R— was fascinated, and with whom he was able to form a new, enthusiastic "friendship". He then was "cured" of his sentiment for the first youth. The new friendship however gave R— deep wretchedness; for though it was close and affectionate, young X— was not homosexual "enough", and so R— nearly lost his intimacy by venturing too far in that direction. With difficulty R— removed the impression, and thereafter hid its real passion. He hid it the better because of other similisexual relations with good-looking schoolmates, more or less of his own nature, at same time".

"In the art-school abroad, to which R— was sent for professional study, he became more and more alarmed about his sexual mystery, his utter indifference to women in "that" way, and his "susceptibility" for the male type. He had been troubled, even terrified, at this state of things before, as he realized its abnormality, and had heard what such a feeling was considered by men about him, had learned of the criminality of it in law, and so forth. He heard much more about it in the European city where he now was studying; enough to know that there was a vast deal of it in the world, even if it was spoken of as disgusting and unnatural. It was at this time, that R— made most attempts, by frequenting women, to bring himself into heterosexual order; but with no success. About this time, in deep trouble, he formed a friendship with a fellow-student who was "like himself". The sympathy and the sexual relation between R— and this student (coit. inter femora, and occasionally onan. buccal.) made R— more tranquil physically and mentally for awhile. The friend was perfectly satisfied with his own psychic organization. He told R— that he was "foolish to worry ", that "thousands of men were so", and that it was only a