Page:Edgar Huntly, or The Sleep Walker.djvu/59

 which tore me from her presence and service. But should I ultimately resolve to separate, how should I communicate my purpose? The pain of parting would scarcely be less on her side than on mine. Could I consent to be the author of disquietude to her? I had consecrated all my faculties to her service. This was the recompence which it was in my power to make for the benefits that I had received. Would not this procedure bear the appearance of the basest ingratitude? The shadow of an imputation like this was more excruciating than the rack.

"What motive could I assign for my conduct? The truth must not be told: this would be equivalent to supplicating for a new benefit: it would more become me to lessen than increase my obligations. Among all my imaginations on this subject, the possibility of a mutual passion never occurred to me. I could not be blind to the essential distinctions that subsist among men: I could expatiate, like others, on the futility of ribands and titles, and on the dignity that was annexed to skill and virtue; but these, for the most part, were the incoherences of speculation, and in no degree influenced the stream of my actions and practical sentiments. The barrier that existed in the present case I deemed insurmountable: this was not even the subject of doubt. In disclosing the truth I should be conceived to be soliciting my lady's mercy and intercession; but this would be the madness of presumption. Let me impress her with any other opinion than that I go in search of the happiness that I have lost under her roof; let me save her generous heart from the pangs which this persuasion would infallibly produce.

"I could form no stable resolutions: I seemed unalterably convinced of the necessity of separation, and yet could not execute my design. When I had wrought up my mind to the intention of explaining myself on the next interview, when the next interview took place my tongue was powerless: I admitted any excuse for postponing my design, and gladly admitted any topic, however foreign to my purpose.

"It must not be imagined that my health sustained no injury from this conflict of my passions. My patroness perceived this alteration; she enquired with the most