Page:Dr Adriaan (1918).djvu/178

172 accordingly. If we do good in a small way. . . isn't that a beginning?"

"A striving . . ."

"For later."

"Yes, for later."

"I, I can't even say . . . that I am doing good in a small way."

"Tell me about yourself."

"There is nothing to tell. Thinking, living, seeking . . . always seeking. . . . There has been nothing besides."

"Then do as we do," she laughed, softly. "Do good in a small way . . . as you say that we do."

"I shall try. . . . But I am disheartened. I admire you and I envy you."

"I . . . I am disheartened. I am sometimes quite dejected. I should like to live quietly, with a heap of books around me. I . . . I'm giving it up."

"The struggle?"

"Yes, the struggle to seek and find. Little by little, it has conquered me. Can you understand me? You . . . you have conquered it."

"What have I conquered?"

"You understand."

"You rank that conquest too high. . . . And you, why are you conquered?"

"Because . . . because I have never achieved anything. . . . I may sometimes have found, but never, never achieved. . . . And now I want to rest . . . with a heap of books around me . . . and, if I can, follow your example . . . and do good in a small way."

"I will help you," she said, jesting, very sadly.

They were silent; and between her and him the room was full of bygone things. The furniture was