Page:Diary of ten years.djvu/215

 197 am sorry to say) from their being too fond of playing cards, carousing, and singing, which makes them inattentive to any of their duties. I often ask them to write, yet they forget to do so; I am obliged to say they seem to have very little care or solicitude about my affairs, and I have proportionably lost my interest for them: for the satisfaction of their friends, I will tell you how they live; and let them judge between us. At early morning, they get a breakfast of bread and tea, with sugar and milk; at midday, bread and meat, with flour pudding, and potatoes, or other vegetables, without restriction; at evening, bread and tea—without limitation of allowance at this or any meal. They now get two glasses of wine, and one of rum, in the day, and they have abundance of clothing from head to foot. If this be not improvement in their condition, I know not what their condition was; and yet they are dissatisfied. *** has grown a fine manly-looking youth; but he is self-willed and passionate to a great degree, and fonder of his grog than any one of his age ought to be. You may, if you please, tell my opinion to his father, in a way least likely to distress his feelings. To the use of "grog" I attribute all my troubles with my people: we were compelled at first to give it, and immediately lost all control over our servants. I have great reason to be dissatisfied with mine; for I feel that they are no longer my friends, as I fondly hoped they would be; they care no more for me than for the merest stranger, and look upon me in no other light than that of one who is bound to feed and clothe them, and give them grog, and for whom they are not under obligation to do anything willingly—whose wishes, interests, and happiness, they need not regard, farther than as it suits their own convenience. I am sorry to make such an exposé. I approach the subject with reluctance, dwell upon it with sorrow and pain, and shall never touch upon it again, unless forced by some very peculiar occurrence.

7th.—Mr. Bull has been here, on his return from the