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DIAMONDS TO SIT ON

' Is this a fresh batch of old women ? ’ Bender asked Alkin. ‘ N-no. They are orphans,’ answered Alkin, tact­ fully drawing Bender away and threatening the gluttons with his fist behind the fire-inspector’s back. ‘ Children from the Volga ? ’ Alkin did not know what to say. He shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about the orphans being a terrible heritage from the Tsarist days. ‘ Do you have co-education here ? ’ Instead of answering, Alkin invited Bender to take pot-luck with him. The ' pot-luck ’ that day con­ sisted of a bottle of vodka, pickled mushrooms, mashed herrings, Ukranian borshch made of prime quality meat, a chicken with rice, and stewed apples. ‘ Sashkin,’ Alkin said to his wife, ‘ let me introduce you to our comrade the fire-inspector.’ Bender bowed gracefully to his hostess and made her such an involved and dubious compliment that he had to break off in the middle because he did not know how to finish it. Sashkin laughed quietly and drank a glass with the men. ' I drink to your communal household! ’ said Bender. The dinner went merrily, and it was only as he was eating the stewed apples that he remembered the object of his visit. he asked. ‘ How d’you mean ? ’ said Alkin. ‘ What about the harmonium ? ’ ‘Ohl I know all about the vox humanum,’ said Bender, ‘ but there’s nothing on which one can sit down. There’s nothing but garden benches.’ ‘ Oh, dear me, no! ’ said Alkin rather offended. ‘ There’s a chair in one of the rooms. It’s an English chair. I m told it is one of the chairs that formerly belonged to the furniture of the house.’
 * Why is there so little furniture in your institution ? ’