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DIAMONDS TO SIT ON

done well in the old days. Why, such a chair would have lasted another thirty years.’ ‘ Well, my friend, here’s a rouble for you. Mind you don’t tell any one that I’ve come back to the town.’ ‘ I’ll be as silent as the grave. Citizen Vorobianinov.’ The porter went out and Bender again turned to the subject of Hippolyte’s moustache. ‘ You’ll have to dye it again. Give me some money and I’ll go to the chemist. That “ Titanic ” of yours isn’t any earthly use. It wouldn’t even dye a poodle.' Bender soon returned with a fresh bottle of dye. ' I’ve brought you some “ Naiad ”. Perhaps that will be better than your “ Titanic ”. Take off your waistcoat.’ The business of re-dyeing began, but the blending of the new auburn dye and the remains of the ‘ Titanic ’ only resulted in a mixture of all the colours of the rainbow. Hippolyte, who had not had any breakfast, stormed up and down the room and raged against aU manufac­ turers of hair dyes, both Government and contraband. ‘ You can’t walk round Soviet Russia with an ultra­ violet moustache. You’ll have to shave it off.’ ‘ I can’t,’ said Hippolyte. ‘ It’s impossible ! ’ ' What ? Is your moustache such a treasure ? ’ ‘ I can’t ! ’ repeated Hippolyte, in a dejected voice. ' Oh ! well, you can stop here for the rest of your days and rU go and find the chairs. By the way, the first chair is just over our heads.’ ‘ All right. Shave it off ! ’ Bender looked round the room for the scissors, found them, and chpped off the ends of the moustache, which fell noiselessly to the floor. Taking the last razor blade from his pocket-book he began to shave Hippolyte’s head. Hippolyte was almost weeping. ‘ I’m wasting my last razor blade on you,’ said Bender. ' Don’t forget to put it down to my credit. Two roubles, please, for a cut and a shave.’