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DIAMONDS TO SIT ON

a terrible headache. Half an hour later he sent a telegram to his wife in Stargorod: ' Following your advice. Going to Crimea.’ The long privations which the great schemer had endured required immediate compensation, and he got so drunk that night that he nearly fell out of the funicular on the way down to the hotel. The next day he bought himself a wonderful grey suit. He was very hot in the suit, but that did not matter ; he insisted upon walking about in it although he was bathed in perspiration. Hippolyte bought a ready­ made white pique suit and a naval cap with gold braid on it and a badge belonging to some unknown yachting club fastened to the front of the cap. He looked like a musical comedy sailor, but he carried himself well and walked with a firmer step. ‘ You look splendid ! ’ said Bender. ‘ And now we can enjoy ourselves for a while.’ ‘ Comrade Bender,’ said Hippolyte, ‘ what about that chair ? We must find out what has happened to the Columbus Theatre company.’ ‘ Don’t teach me what to do or how to live,’ said Bender, prancing round one of the hotel chairs. ‘ I’ve got money, but I am magnanimous. I will give you twenty roubles and three days in which to paint the town red. Go and enjoy yourself. Pussy.’ The friends drank heavily all the week until Hippolyte’s suit had wine spilt over it and Bender’s new suit was ruined. ‘ Good morning,’ said Bender on the eighth day, for he woke up with a clear head and had been reading the morning paper. ' Listen, you old drunkard over there—^just listen to what sensible people write in the papers : THEATRE NEWS Yesterday, the third of September, after having given several performances in Tiflis, the Columbus