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of going to the Crimea, and Henrietta advised me to go to the Crimea.’ But he ordered two shashlyks without a murmur and turned politely to Bender. ‘ Well,’ said Bender, looking round and lowering his voice, ‘ I can tell you all about it in two words. We’ve been watched for the last two months, and to-morrow we expect to be raided in our head-quarters. We shall have to defend ourselves with revolvers.’ At this Kislyarsky’s face turned ashen. ‘ In such a difficult time,’ continued Bender, ‘ we are fortunate in meeting such a devoted patriot.’ ' Er—yes,’ said Hippolyte suddenly. 'Yes,’ said Bender, ‘ with your help we hope to repulse the enemy. I can give you a revolver.’ ‘ You don’t need to,’ said Kislyarsky firmly. And they learnt that it was quite impossible for him to take part in the battle ; that he was very sorry, but he could not, for he knew nothing at all about military matters. He was extremely sorry, but he could only help to save the life of the father of Russian democracy by rendering some slight financial assistance. Bender triumphantly as he stuffed his mouth with shashlyk. ‘ Five hundred roubles will save the giant of thought.’ ‘ Tell me,’ said Kislyarsky plaintively, ‘ won’t two hundred roubles be enough ? ’ Bender could not control himself any longer and kicked Hippolyte under the table. ‘ I think,’ said Hippolyte grandly, ‘ that bargaining is rather out of place.’ Bender kicked him again, which meant, ‘ Bravo, Pussy ! You’ve learnt your lesson.’ It was the first time in his life that Kislyarsky had heard the giant of thought speak, and he was so sur­ prised that he immediately handed five hundred roubles to Bender, promptly paid the bill, left the two friends at the table, and excused himself by saying that he had
 * You are a faithful son of your country ! ’ said