Page:Cyclopedia of illustrations for public speakers, containing facts, incidents, stories, experiences, anecdotes, selections, etc., for illustrative purposes, with cross-references; (IA cyclopediaofillu00scotrich).pdf/358



"That's all velly good," interrupted Ah Wing doubtfully; "you knowee ploverb and me knowee ploverb, but do the dog knowee ploverb?" (Text.)

(1490)

Stauber, the Lutheran minister who first ministered to the five villages in the Swiss mountains, which he afterward persuaded Oberlin to take as his parish, tells this incident to show the character of the people:

The Ban de la Roche, as you may know, is on a spur of the Vosges Mountains about twelve leagues from Strasburg. The people are very wild and ignorant. When I (Monsieur Stauber) first went there I visited the only school. A number of children were gathered together in a miserable cottage. As I entered I heard an appalling noise of scuffling, quarreling, and shouting.

"'Silence, children, silence!' I cried. 'Where is your master?' One of the children pointed to a little old man who was lying on a bed in the corner of the room.

"'Are you the master of this school?' said I, in some dismay.

"'Yes, I be the master, sir—I be.'

"'Humph! But don't you teach the children anything?'

"'No! I don't teach the children nothing—for a good reason.'

"'It must be a very good reason, indeed. What is it, my friend?'

"'Well, I don't know nothing myself, sir; so how am I to teach?'

"'But, my good friend, why did they send you here, then?'

"'Because, sir, I be too old to take care of the pigs?'"

(1491)

An English army officer and a foreign missionary met on an ocean steamer. The army officer contemptuously said he had lived in India thirty years and had never seen a native Christian. Shortly afterward, he recited with gusto his success in tiger-hunting, declaring that he had killed no less than nine tigers. "Pardon me," said the missionary, "did I understand you to say that you have killed nine tigers in India?" "Yes, sir," pompously replied the colonel. "Now that is remarkable," replied the missionary, "for I have lived in India thirty years and have never seen a tiger." "Perhaps, sir," sneered the colonel, "you didn't go where the tigers were." "Precisely," was the bland answer of the missionary, "and may not that have been the reason why you never saw any native converts?"

(1492)

An Italian tailor living at West Hoboken, N. J., appeared before Judge Carey and made application for citizenship. He told the judge he had been in this country twenty-two years.

"Do you know who Abraham Lincoln was?" asked Judge Carey.

"No, I don't know who he was."

"You don't know who Abraham Lincoln was?" repeated the judge.

"No; does he live in West Hoboken?" asked the applicant.

"He is dead," said Judge Carey.

"Well, I never heard of him," continued the Italian. "Was he a tailor?"

The judge advised him to go home and study up on history and geography, and said: "No man who does not know who Abraham Lincoln was is fit to enjoy the privilege of American citizenship."

When asked to name six of the United States, he answered, "New Jersey, New York, Boston, West Hoboken, Union Hill, and Hoboken."

(1493)

One day recently a hard-working woman, the wife of a New York tailor in a small way, went out to market. In her hurry she left the apartment door ajar. Moreover, she forgot to replace, under the mattress, the red-flannel bag in which she and her husband kept their savings of fifteen years—some diamonds, a gold watch, and $1,400 cash.

Only a quarter of an hour later she came back—but the red-flannel savings-bank was gone. At last reports the police detectives had not recovered the money.

The pity of such a loss is more than personal. It is a national calamity. The vague distrust of all banks follows the popular ignorance of the difference in nature between a business man's bank and a true savings-bank. Ignorance was the root of this small tragedy.—Review of Reviews.

(1494)

Many of us are as foolish as a poor immigrant who was discovered walking on the tracks of the Lehigh Valley Railroad in New Jersey. On his back he carried a huge package containing household utensils, as well as clothes. He seemed tired, tho he trudged sturdily on. He had not, however, acquired the veteran tramp's skill in walking