Page:Complete budget of wit.pdf/9

9 peau enter, in an elegant negligce dress, quite languid with the heat of the day. 'Waiter!' said the coxcomb, in an affected faint voice, 'waiterǃ fetch me a dish of coffee, weak as water, and cool as a sephyr! Quin, in a voice of thunder, immediately vociferated, 'Waiter, bring me a dish of coffee, hot as hell. and strong as d-m-n!' The beau starting, exclaimed, 'Waiter, what is that gentleman's name?" Quin, in his usual tremendous tone, exclaimed, Waiter, pray what is that lady's name?

A clergyman chose for his text the following words: Which of you will go up with me to Rumoth-Gilead? Then pausing, he again and again repeated the words, when a gallant far started from his seat, and looking round him with an eye of indignation, he exclaimed, will none of you go with the worthy gentleman? As for my part, I go for one!'

The Laird of M'Nab was writing to one of his friends from an Edinburgh coffee-louse, when a gentleman of his acquaintance observed that he was setting at defiance the laws of orthography and grammar. 'D-n your blood !" exclaimed the Highland chieftain, "how can a man write grammar with a pen like this?'

A young woman of Dublin, apprehensive of some unhappy effects from an illicit amour, which she had for some time carried on with a Dutch sailor, mentioned her situation to a friend who advised her to place her future offspring to her young master, as being the richer man of the two. 'I was thinking of that,' replied the fair one, but then you know the child will discover all when it begins to speak Dutchǃ'