Page:Complete budget of wit.pdf/3

3 "keep your crown piece,-the English hae paid dear enough already for seeing the field of Bannockburn."

In a party of ladies, op it being reported that a Captain Silk had arrived in town, they exclaimed, with one exception, "What a name for a soldier !" “The fittest name in the world," rejoined a witty female, for Silk never can be Worsted!"

Some time since, at one of our sea-ports, a noble naval commander, who is a strict disciplinarian, accosted a drunken sailor in the street, with "What ship do you belong to?" Jack, who was a dry fellow, notwithstanding he was drunk, and had a very eccentric countenance answered with much sangfroid, "Don't know." "What's your captain's name?" "Don't know." "Do you know who I am ?" "No." "Why I am commander in chief." "Then," replied he archly, "you have a d-d good birth of it, that's all I know !"

Hugh Arnot happening to come into Mr. Creech's shop, in Edinburgh one day, when an old woman was finding fault with the printing and paper of a Bible she was about to purchase, looked over her and said that both were good enough for the subject."-"O ye monster!" exclaimed the woman; then turning round and observing his miserably meagre figure, added, "And he's an anatomy too!"

A West Indian, who had a remarkably fiery nose, having fallen asleep in his chair, a negro boy who was in waiting, observed a musquitto hovering round his face. Quashi eyed the insect very attentively: at last he saw him alight on his master's nose, and immediately fly off, Ah, d-n your heart, exclaimed the negro, Med glad see you burn you fool.