Page:Complete budget of wit.pdf/20

20 A schoolmaster in St. Quivox parish, lately wrote & letter to a gentleman in Ayr, containing about 12 lines, which was the hard labour of four hours, to paint and equalize every top turn, swell and hair stroke, and at the bottom, he added-Excuse haste!!

At the time of the late dullness of trade, wher every one was crying out; the gravedigger of a country parish, near Ayr, was accosted one morning as he was going to ring his bell, by a man, who said, Well John, and how is trade with you? to which the gravedigger replied, 'Very bad, for I have no got a living soul to burry these six weeks.'

Two Germans going into a Coffee-house in London, wished to give the company a specimen of their knowledge of the English language: 'Did it rain tomorrow?' asked the one, Yes it was,' replied the other.

One day a King and his Son finding it warm in hunting, put their clothes on the back of their jester adding, You have an ass's load, upon you, rather replied the fool, the load of two asses.'

An ignorant cour.tryman was called upon to take his oath. The man hesitated, and then replied, My Lord Judge, I know nothing about oaths: but if you will permit me, I will fetch my son who is a grenadier, and he will swear as many as your worship may choose.'

A poor man who happened to have a very lone beard, being examined as a witness in a court of justice, the Judge thought proper to be very angry with him and told him, he believed his conscience was as long as his beard. Were consciences to be measured by beards replied the poor man, your Lordship would have none at all.