Page:Complete budget of wit.pdf/15

15 lings out of his room, that had cost him eighteen shillings; but that he hoped he should get them again, for that he had ordered them to be cried, and had offered half-a-crown of reward. The gentleman observed, that the reward was far too little for such valuable stockings. Pho, said the Irish gentleman, I ordered the cryer to say they were worsted.

A preacher in Arabia having for his text a portion of the Koran, I have called Noah, after twice repeating his text, made a long pause: an Arab then present, thinking that he was waiting for an answer, exclaimed, If Noah will not come, what hinders you from calling somebody else.

Two Oxford scholars meeting on the road with a Yorkshire ostler, they fell to bantering him, and told the fellow that they would prove him to be a horse or an ass. Well, said the ostler, and I can prove sour saddle to be a mule, A mule! cried one of them, how can that be? Because, said the ostler, it s something between a horse and an ass.

A culprit asked Jack Ketch if he had any commands to the other world. Why, said Jack, not many; I'll only, added he, as he adjusted the knot under his left car, just trouble you with a line.

A parson in the country, taking his text in St. Matthew, chap. viii, verse le. And Peter's wife's brother lay sick of a fever, preached for three Sundays together on the same subject. Soon after two fellows going across the church-yard, and hearing the diell toll, one asked the other who it was for? Nay, can't tell; perhaps: replied he, It is for Peter's life's mother, for she has been sick of a fever these arce weeks.

A gentleman lying on his death bed, called to his