Page:Complete budget of wit.pdf/14

14 the justice expected, fellow, said he, in a rage, I dont know whether you were inoculared for the small pox or not, but I am sure you have been for stupidity.- Why, ant please you, replied the man, perhaps I might, as you say, be inoculated for stupidity; but there was no occasion to perform that on your worship, for you seem to have had it in the natural way.

Two country attornies, overtaking a waggoner on the road, and thinking to be witty upon him, asked, why his fore horse was so fat, and the rest so lean? The waggoner knowing them, answered that his fore horse was a lawyer, and the rest were his clients.

An Irishman, a short time since, bade an extraordinary price for an alarm clock, and gave as a reason that, as he loved to rise early he had nothing to do but pull the string, and he could wake himself.

A countryman, at Burry assizes, was indicted and arraigned for stealing a goose; but the accusation was false, for he brought a neighbour of his, who sware positively, that he remembered that very goose in his possession ever since it was a gosling. An Irishman, who was a prisoner for stealing a gun, hearing this successful defence, prevailed on a fellow countryman of his, to swear that he remembered the gun in his possession ever since it was a pistol.

When the celebrated beau Nash was ill, Dr Cheyne wrote a prescription fur him. The next day, the Doctor coming to see his patient, inquired if he had followed his prescription ? No faith, said Nash, if I had I should have broke my neck, for I threw it out of a two pair of stairs' window.

An Irish gentleman was visited by a friend, who found him a little ruffled; and being asked the reason of it, said, he had lost a new pair of black silk stock