Page:Complete budget of wit.pdf/12

12 Colonel M of the P-shire cavalry, was dately complaining, that, from the ignorance and inattention of his officers, he was obliged to do the aliole duty of the regiment. I am (said he) my own captain, my own lieutenant, my own cornet,- and trumpeter also, I presume, said a certain witty duchess.

When Mr. Fox was canvassing for Westminster, he called on a butcher in St. James' market, to solicit his vote. The knight of the cleaver, without ceremony, thos unswered his application; Sir, I admire your head, but damn your heart! to which Mr. Fox replied. Sir, I admire your candour, but damn you manners!

A learned Scottish lawyer being just called to the Bench, sent for the peruke-maker to measure him for a new tye-wig. The peruquier, on applying his apparatus in one direction, was observed to smile. Upon which the worthy judge desired to know what ludicrous circumstance gave rise to his recirth? The barber replied, that he could not but remark the extreme length of his honour's head. That's well, (said Lord S.) we lawyers have occasion for long heads! The barber, who by this time had completed the dimensions, now burst out into a fit of laughter; and an explanation being insisted on, at last declared, that he could not possibly contain himself, when he dicovered that his Lordship's head was just as thick as it was long!

A certain Bishop had a Biscayan man servant, whom he ordered one festival to go to a butcher, who was called David, for a piece of meat, and then come to the church, where the Bishop was to preach. The Bishop, in his sermon, bringing authorities from