Page:Complete budget of wit.pdf/11

11 ing at a desk, could not imagine what was sold there and calling to the clerk, said, pray sir, what do you ell? Logerheads, cried the other. Do you so? said the countryman ;) truly, you have a special trade then, for I see you have but one left.

Two gentleman standing together, as a young lady passed them, one of them said, there goes the handsomest woman I ever saw. She hearing turned back and observing him to be very ugly, answered, I wish Sir, I could, in return, say as much of you. So you may Madam, (says he) and lie as I did.

On a trial at the Admiralty Sessions, for shooting seaman, the counsel for the crown asking one of the witnesses, which lie was for, plaintiff or defendant. Plaintiff or defendant! said the sailor, scratching his lead, why, I don't know what you mean by plaintiff or defendant, I come to speak for that there, pointing to the prisoner. You are a pretty fellow antor a witness (says the counsel) not to know what plaintiff or lefendant means ! Some time after, being asked by the same counsel, what part of the ship he was in at the time? Abaft the binnacle, my lord, says the sailor. Abaft the binnacle! (replied the barrister) what part of the ship is that? Ha! ha! ha! (chuckled the sailor) are not you a pretty fellow of a counsellor (pointing to him archly with his finger) not to know where abaft the binnacle is!

A little lawyer appearing as evidence in one of the courts, was asked by a gigantic counsellory what profession he was of: and having replied that he was an attorney. You a lawyer! (said Brief), why I could put you in my pocket. Very likely you may, (rejoined the other) and if you do, you will have more law in your pocket than in your head.