Page:Complete budget of wit.pdf/10

10 About the year thretty-sax, a company differed, "Whether it was better for a man to hae sons or doughters?" They cou'd na 'gree, but disputed it pro and con. At last, ane of them said to Graham of Kinross, (wha had na yoked wi' then in the argument,) Laird, what's your opinion?" Quo' he, "I ha'e had three lads and three lassies: I watna whilk o' them I liked best sae lang as they suckit their mither; but de'il hae my share o' the callants whan they cam to suck their father.

A tar having got into the pit of Drury-lane theatre, recognised one of his messmates aloft, amongst the gods: "Pray, Jack, what did it cost you to get into that d-n'd sung birth?" On being informed that he gave only a shilling: "D-mme, this is fine business! I gave five shillings to get stowed into this here hold.

An Irishman, some years ago, attending the University of Edinburgh, waited upon one of the most celebrated teachers of the German flute, desiring to know on what terms he would give him a few lessons, the flute player informed him, that he generally charged two guineas for the first month, and one guinea for the second. Then by my soul, replied the Hibernian, "I'll come the second month!"

A countryman sowing his ground, two smart felow s riding that way, one of them called to him with an insolent air, "Well honest fellow, (said he) 'tis your business to sow, but we reap the fruits of your labour." To which the countryman replied, "'Tis very likely you may for I am sowing hemp."

A country fellow, just come up to London, and peeping into every shop as he passed by, at last looked into a scrivener's; where seeing only one man sit-