Page:Complete Works of Count Tolstoy - 18.djvu/369

 something very oppressive; however, like all the rest, I did not wish to acknowledge the fact to myself (I would not have acknowledged it even now were it not for the end), and I concealed it not only from others, but even from myself. Now I wonder how it was that I did not see my real situation. It might have been seen from the very fact that the quarrels began from such causes that later, when they were over, it was difficult to recall what had caused them. Reason had no time to simulate sufficient causes for the constant animosity which subsisted between us. Still more striking was the insufficiency of excuses for making up again. At times there were words, explanations, even tears, but often— Oh, it is horrible to think of it—after the bitterest words uttered toward each other, suddenly there were silent glances, smiles, kisses, embraces— Fie, what abomination! How could I have missed seeing then all the vileness of it?"