Page:Comical sayings of Pady from Cork, with his coat button'd behind (1).pdf/12

 12 PADY FROM CORK.

knocking the people on the head with deadly blows fae went and died out of ſpue, leaving me with nothing but two motherleſs children

Tom. O But Pady you ought to have gone to a doctor, and got ſome pills and phyſic for her.

Teag. By ſhaint Patrick I had as good a pill of my own any doctor in the kingdom could give her, and as for ſheeſhing, the never could uſe ſnuff nor tobacco in her life.

Tom. O you fool that is not what I mean; you might have brought the door to feel her pulſe, and let blood of her if he thought it needful.

Teag. Yes, yes that's what I did; for I ran to the doctor when ever ſhe died, and fought ſomething for a dead or dying woman; the old fooliſh d-ǃ was at his dinner and began to ask me ſome dirty queſtions, which I anſwered diſtinctly.

Tom. And what did be aſk, Pady?

Teag. Why he asked me how did my wife go to ſtool? to which I anſwered, the ſame way that other woman go to chair: no, ſaid he that's not what I mean, how does ſhe purge. Arra, Mr Doctor ſaid I, all the fire in Purgatory, won't purge her clean for the has both a cold and ſtinking breath, Sir, Said he, that is not what I aſk you whither does ſhe ſh-t thick or thin? Arra maſter doctor, ſaid I, it is ſometimes ſo thick and hard that you may take it in your hand eat it like a piece of cheeſe or pudding, and at other times you may drink it, or ſup it with a ſpoon. At this he flew in a moſt terrible rage and kicked me down ſtairs, and would give me nothing to her but called me a dirty ſcoundril, for ſpeaking of ſh-t before ladies.

Tom. And was you ſorry when your wife died,

Teag. Arra, dear ſhoy, if any body ha beat me, I was fit to cry myſelf.

Tom. And in what good order did you bury your wife when ſhe died.

Teag. O my dear ſhoy ſhe was buried in all manner of pump, pride, and ſplendor: a fine coffin and cords in it and within the coffin, along with herſelf, ſhe got a pair of new broge, a penny candle, a good hard headed old