Page:Comical sayings of Paddy from Cork (5).pdf/12

 12 whole kingdom, he went away and died out of ſpite, leaving me nothing but two motherleſs children. Tom. O but Pady, you ought to have gone to a doctor, and got ſome pills and phyſic for her. Teag. By ſhaint Patrick I had as good a pill of my on as any doctor in the kingdom could give her. Tom. O you fool, that is not what I mean ; you ought to have brought the doctor to feel her pulſe, and let blood of her if he thought it needful. Teag Yes, that's what I did, for I ran to the doc- for whenever ſhe died, and fought ſomething for a dead or dying woman: the old fooliſh devil was at his dinner and began to aſk me ſome dirty queſtions, which I anſwered diſtinctly Tom And what did he aſk. Pady? Teag. Why, he aſked me, How my wife go to tool ? to which I anſwered, the fame way that other people go to a chair; no, ſaid he, that's not what I mean, how does ſhe purge! Arra, Mr. Doctor, ſaid I, all the fire in Purgatory wont purge her clean; for the has both a cold and ſtinking breath. Sir, ſaid he, that is not what I aſk, eu ; whether does ſhe ſhit, thick or thin ? Arra, Mr Doctor, ſaid I, it is ſometimes ſo thick and hard, that you may take it in your hand, and cut it like a piece of cheeſe or pudding, and at other times you might drink it, or ſup it with a ſpoon. At this he few into a moſt terrible rage, and kicked me down ſtairs, and would give me nothing to her, but called me a dirty vagabond for 1peaking of ſhit before ladies. Tom. And in what good order did you bury your wife when ſhe died? Teag. O my dear ſhoy, ſhe was buried in all man- ner of pomp, pride, and ſplendour; a fine coffin with cords in it, and within the coffin along with herſelf, ſhe got a pair of new brogues, a penny candle, a good hard headed old hammer, with an Iriſh ſix-penny piece to pray her paſſage at the gate, and what more could ſhe look for