Page:Comical sayings of Paddy from Cork (4).pdf/3

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but they would net believe me; for I said that I got it from my father when it was a little pistol, and I had kept it till it had grown a gun, and was designed to use it well until it had grown a big cannon, and then sold it to the military. They all fell a laughing at me as I had been a fool, and bade me go home to my mother and clean the potatoes.

Tom. How long is it since you left your own country?

Teag. Arra, dear honey, I do not mind whether it be a fortnight or four months, but I think myself, it is a long time; they tell me my mother is dead since, but I wont believe it until I get a letter from her own hand, for she is a very good scholar, suppose she can neither write nor read.

Tom, Was you ever in England before?

Teag. I that I was, and in Scotland too.

Tom. And were they kind to you when you was in Scotland ?

Teag. They were that kind that they kick’t my arse for me, and the reason was because I would not pay the whole of the liquor that was drunk in the company, though the landlord and his two suns got mouthful about of it all, and I told them it was a trick upon travellers, first to drink his liquor, and then to kick him out of doors.

Tom. I really think they have used you badly, but could you not beat them?

Teay. That's what I did, beat them all to their own contentment but there was one of them stronger than me, who would have killed me, if the other two had not pulled me away, and I had to run for it, till his passion was over, then they made us drink and gree again; we shook hands, and made a bargain, never to harm other more: but this bargain did not last long, for, as I was kissing his mouth, by shaint Patrick, I bit his nose, which caused him to beat me very sore for my pains.

Tom. Well Pady, what calling was you when in Scotland?