Page:Comical sayings of Paddy from Cork (1).pdf/7

 merchant called me a liar and my master called me a fool, so the one fell a-kicking me, and the other a-cuffing me, I was in such bad bread among them, that I called myself both a liar and a fool to get off alive.

Tom. And how did you carry your potatoes home from the market.

Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I carried the horse and them both, besides a big loaf, and two bottles of wine; for I put the old horse on my back, and drove the potatoes before me, and when I tied the load to the loaf, I had nothing to do but to carry the bottles in my hand : but bad luck to the way as I came home, for a nail out of the heel of my foot sprung a leak in my brogue, which pricked the very bone, bruised the skin, and made my brogue itself to blood, and I having no hammer by me, but a hatchet I left at home, I had to beat down the nail with the bottom of the bottle; and, by the book, dear shoy, it broke to pieces, and scattered the wine in my mouth.

Ton. And how did you recompense your master for the loss of the bottle of wine?

Teag. Arra, dearshoy, I had a mind to cheat him and myself too, for I took the bottle to a blacksmith, and desired him to mend it that I might go to the butcher and get it full of bloody water, but he told me he could not work in any thing but steel and iron. Arra, said I, if I were in my own kingdom I could get a blacksmith who would make a bottle out of a stone, and a stone out of nothing.

Tom. And how did you trick your master out of it?

Teag. Why, the old rogue began to chide me, asking what way I broke it, then I held up the other as high as my head, and let it fall to the ground on a stone, which broke it all to pieces likewise, now said I, master, that's the way, and he beat me very heartily until I had to shout out mercy, and murder all at once.