Page:Comical sayings of Paddy from Cork (1).pdf/3

 but they would not believe me; for I said that I got it from my father when it was a little pistol, and I had kept it till it had grown a gun, and was designed to use it well until it had grown a big canon, and then sold it to the military. They all fell a laughing at me as I had been a fool, and bade me go home to my mother and clean the potatoes.

Tom. How long is it since you left your country?

Teag. Arra, dear honey, I do not mind whether it it be a fortnight or four months, but I think myself it is a long time: they tell me my mother is dead since, but I wont believe it until get a letter from her own land, for she is a very good scholar, suppose she can neither write nor read

Tom. Was you ever in England before?

Teag. Aye, that I was, and in Scotland too.

Tom. And were they kind to you when you was in Scotland?

Teag. They were that kind that they kick'd my arse for me, and the reason was because I would not pay the whole of the liquor that was drunk in the company, though the landlord and his own sons got a mouthful about of it all, and I told then it was a trick upon travellers, first to drink his liquor, and then kick him out of doors,

Tom. I really think they have used you badly, but could you not beat them?

Teag. That's what I dead, beat them all to their own contentment, but there was one of them stronger than me, who would have killed me, if the other two had not pulled me away, and I had to run for it, till his passion was over, then they made us drink and gree again; we shook bands, and made a bargain never to harm other more; but this bargain did not last long, for, as I was kissing his mouth, by shaint Patrick, I bit his nose, which caused him to beat me very sore for my pains.

Tom: Well Paddy, what calling was you when in Scotland?