Page:Comical sayings of Paddy from Cork (1).pdf/24

 horse-locks, and cow-chains; then cut and castcate yard and testicle quite away: put in your hand and feel how every female's made smooth by the sheer bone, where nothing is to be seen but what is natural. Then made our escape to the desert wild wilderness of Arabia; where we lived among the wild asses, upon wind, sand, and sapless ling. Afterwards put to sea in the hull of an old house, where we were tossed above and below the clouds, being driven through thickets and groves by fierce, coarse, calm, and contrary winds: at last we cast upon Salisbury plains, where our vessel was dashed to pieces against a cabbage stock. And now my humble petition to you good Christian people, is, for one hundred of your beef, one hundred of your butter, another of your cheese, a cask of your biscuit, a tun of your beer, a keg of your rum, with a pipe of your wine, a lump of your gold, a piece of your silver, a few of your halfpence or farthings, a waught of your butter-milk, a pair of your old breeches, stockings, or shoes, even a chaw of tobacco for clarity's sake.

A CREED FOR ROMISH BELIEVERS.

I BELIEVE the Pope of Rome to be the right heir and true successor of Peter the Apostle, and that he has a power above the king's of the world, being spiritual and temporal; endowed with a communication from beyond the grave, and can bring up any departed shoul he pleases, even as the woman of Endor brought up Samuel to Saul; by the same power he can, assisted by the enchantments of old Manasseh, a king in Isreal. I believe also in the Romish Priests, that they are very civil chaste gentlemen, keep no wives of their own, but partake a little of other men's when in secret confession. I acknowledge the worshiping of images, and relics of saints departed to be very just; but if they hear and not help us, O they are but a parcel of ungrateful wretches.