Page:Christianity in China, Tartary, and Thibet Volume I.djvu/409

397 APOSTASY AND MARTYRDOM OF STEPHEN. 397 and virtue. Faith itself, that pillar which is the last support of man, after having tottered for some time, fell at length, and Stephen renounced in his heart the whole Christian creed. Having thus broken the ties which bound him to his God, he easily allowed himself to be carried away by the impetuosity of his nature ; and an irregularity of conduct of which he was sus- pected, obliged his superiors to shut him up (as a mea- sure of discipline) in the interior of the convent. The prisoner of the monastery of St. John did. not, however, return to better feelings ; the correction lie was enduring seemed only to irritate his desires, and heighten the attractions of a worldly life ; and his mind began to dwell with complacency on the thoughts of es- cape, though the poor missionary still hesitated, and feared to pass the barrier which separated him from the abyss. His mind became the prey of a terrible in- ternal struggle, and sometimes the remembrance of the pure delight which he had tasted in the service of God induced him to repel the cup of pleasure with which he had tried to intoxicate himself; and then again his eager longings would attract him towards the world, but he would seem suddenhy arrested by divine grace, and prevented from rushing entirely into the road to perdition. That he might have more power to resist the thought of escape which tormented him, he begged the assistance of the prayers of the monks; but the tempter then attacked him with redoubled violence, and Stephen felt himself conquered. He clandestinely quitted his cell, fully resolved at last to renounce the religious life, the Christian faith, and God. He was just about to leave the cloister, when Providence per- mitted his eyes to fall upon the cross which surmounted