Page:Chernyshevsky.whatistobedone.djvu/362

342 of all other words, only five words are wrestling with two, "I shall not see him; I shall see him" ; and thus passes the whole morning. Everything is forgotten; everything is forgotten in this struggle, and the more powerful word no tries to conquer the little word yes; it tackles it; it clutches it. "I shall not see him"; and the little word glances aside and vanishes, glances aside and vanishes. "Yes, I shall see him." Everything is forgotten; everything is forgotten in the effort of the stronger word no to conquer the smaller one yes. Yes, and it does conquer, and it calls to its aid other little words, so that the former little word may have no refuge. "No, I shall not see him; no, I shall not see him!" Yes, now the stronger words hold firmly in their grasp the little word yes, which has no refuge from them; they press it between them: "No, I shall not see—no, I shall see him—no, I shall not see him!" But what is she doing now? Her bonnet was already on her head; instinctively she looked at the mirror to see if her hair is in order; yes, in the mirror she saw that her bonnet is on straight, and from these words, which have grown together so firmly, one remained, and to this a new one was added, "No return! no return!"

"Masha, don't expect me back to dinner! I shall not dine at home to-day."

"Aleksandr Matvéitch has not returned yet from the hospital," calmly replied Stepan; and how could he help speaking calmly with a phlegmatic lady? In her appearance there is nothing out of the ordinary; not very long ago she used to be here.

"I did not think he was; it's all right; I will wait; you need not tell him that I am here."

She unfolds some newspaper or other—yes, she can read; she sees that she can read; yes, as long as there is "no return"; as long as the decision is made, she feels herself quite calm. Of course she can read little; she scarcely read at all; she looked at the room; she began to put it in order, as though she were its khzoyáïka [sic]. Of course she did not arrange it much, scarcely at all: but how calm she feels, and she can read, and she can occupy herself with something. She noticed that the ashes had not been emptied from the