Page:Causes and cure of spiritual darkness.pdf/15

15 desires of reformation, and of performing a few religious duties, which he then thought would be enough to carry him to heaven. These convictions were not sufficient to keep him from his beloved sports, even in the afternoon of that Sabbath on which he had received then ; when, being engaged in a game, a sentence was impressed on his mind so forcibly. that he thought it like a voice from heaven, ' Wilt thou leave thy sins and go to heaven, or have thy sins and go to hell ?" This excited a dreadful consternation in his mind, which was instantly followed with a suggestion, that he was an enormous, unparalleled sinner-that it was now too late to seek after heaven-and that his transgressions were beyond the reach of mercy. Despair reached his mind, and he formed this desperate conclusion-that he must be miserable if he left his sins, and miserable if he continued in his sins ; and therefore he determined to take his fill of them, as the only pleasure he was ever likely to have. It may be justly feared that multitudes perish by such temptations as these. Their language is, ' There is no hope, but we will walk after our own devices, and we will every one do the imagination of his evil heart."

Contriving how to gratify himself with sin, yet deriving no satisfaction from it, he continued about a month longer : when it pleased God to give him a severe check by means of a woman, who, though a notorious sinner herself, was so shocked at the oaths he uttered, that she told him, “ He was the ugliest fellow for swearing that she ever heard in her life and that he was enough to spoil all the youth in the town, if they