Page:Castaway on the Auckland Isles (IA castawayonauckla01musg).pdf/49

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Sunday, May 15, 1864.—Six long and dreary months have now passed since I left Sydney, and the idea of the sad lot which may and must have fallen on those I love so much, wrings my soul with agony, and a remorse which I fear is crushing me fast to the earth. Oh, my God! how long is this to last? Oh, release me from this bondage! Night and morning, daily and in my dreams, I offer up my prayers to Thee. Oh, hear me! and release me that I may flee to the succour of those dear innocent ones who are now suffering for my folly. Give me but an opportunity of making amends for this and many other thoughtless acts—the hope of which only at present sustains me. Were it not for this hope, I should pray for death, or perhaps seek it by my own hand. What is life to me, but for their sakes? A mere burden. I have already lived a long and chequered life in a few short years; I should feel satiated with it, but for their sakes may it please God to spare me, at least as long as them. But set me at liberty to provide for them, I will be content even with separation; but let me not have doomed them to wretchedness and misery. Hear my prayer, O Lord! and grant my release.

During the last three or four days we have had the most varied and extraordinary weather that ever I remember witnessing. There have not been two hours alike during the whole time, except in the general calm or very light airs, varying from all points of the compass; but chiefly from S. and S.E. One hour the sky is clear, with bright sunshine, and only a few bright fleecy clouds visible,