Page:Calvary mirbeau.djvu/224

218 "No, no! You must not love me!"

She, in a very long white gown, with a bewildered look and outstretched arms. . . I, gloomy, inexorable, the calves of my legs swelling under the violet silk tight garment, my hair disheveled by the wind.

"I love you! I love you!"

"No! No! You must not love me!"

And the violins emitted inaudible plaints, the wind instruments moaned, while the double basses and the dulcimers rumbled like tempest and peals of thunder.

Oh, the tragi-comedy of sorrow!

A curious thing! Demoiselle Landudec and Juliette became one; I no longer separated them, I confused them in my dreams, extravagant and melodramatic. Both were too pure for me.

"No! No! I am a leper, leave me alone!"

They passionately kissed my wounds, spoke of death and cried: "I love you! I love you!"

And vanquished, subdued, redeemed by love I fell at their feet. The old father, dying, spread his arms over us and blessed us, the three of us!

This trance did not last long; I soon found myself on the dune, face to face with Juliette.

There were no violins, no wind instruments any longer, only the howl of anguish and revolt, the cry of a captured stag craving the female of its species.

"Juliette! Juliette!"

One evening I returned home more despondent than ever, my mind obsessed with dismal projects, my arms and hands in some manner agitated by a mad desire to kill, to strangle. I would have liked to feel something alive writhing, rattling, dying under the pressure of my fingers. Mother Le Gannec was standing at the threshold, darning the never failing pair of stockings. She said to me: