Page:California Inter Pocula.djvu/379



A SAN  FRANCISCO  DIOGENES. 367

hot sand,  and  clasping  snow-clad  statues,  the  Califor- nian philosopher  sunned  himself  on  the  piazza  of  his hotel, and  drank  iced  juleps. His tub  stood  in  the lobby of  the  legislature,  where  he  practised  the  pro- fession of comma ndino;  men.

However at  heart  a  cynic,  the  surface  was  charm- ingly bland. So it  always  was  with  Californian philosophers. Of whatsoever  school,  the  very  first requisite was  a  free  and  easy  demeanor. This, with always a  readiness  to  drink  at  some  one  else's  expense, and a  happy  faculty  of  impelling  the  hands  of  listeners into their  pockets  for  the  benefit  of  a  bar-room  com- pany, were qualities  in  obtaining  an  ascendency  over the mind  more  fruitful  than  flagellations,  chastity, poverty, or  any  species  of  antics  or  asceticism.

Office-seekers were  not  slow  to  perceive  that  Phil- osopher Pickett was  endowed  with  qualities  of  great value to  every  one  except  himself  It  is  enough  for a philosopher  to  be  a  philosopher. The moment  he seeks  wealth  or  political  preferment  the  pedestal crumbles, and  he  becomes  like  other  men,  earthy.

Once a  candidate  for  a  legislative  clerkship,  noticing the extended  acquaintance  and  easy  influence  of  the philosopher, determined  to  approach  him. The little man was  courteous,  and  very  free  with  his  half  dollars about bars  and  billiard-tables. In due  time  the  appli- cant for office  broached  the  subject  nearest  his  heart, and begged  the  philosopher's  influence. Pickett turned to  him  in  apparent  surprise,  as  if  the  man's every  movement  for  the  past  three  days  had  not  dis- covered his ambition,  and  straio-htening  his  slim  figure to its  full  height,  fixed  upon  him  a  pair  of  glittering gray eyes,  and  spake  :

" Sir,"  said  he,  "  I  am  the  last  man  outside  of  Plato's republic  from  whom  you  should  solicit  aid.  Should  I advocate  your  claim,  the  members  would  suspect  you honest;  and  surely  you  must  know  that  an  honest man  stands  no  more  chance  before  a  California  legis- lature than  a  cat  in  hades  without  claws." The Ian-