Page:By order of the Czar.djvu/325

Rh words. She knows the only thing that can satisfy me. I told her I had made a heap of money; I told her why I had not proposed to Dolly; I told her that I would have done so if I had been in the position I then was at Lady Forsyth's party. What is it? Have they quarreled? Has Dolly rebelled? Has she discovered that she really does like me? We were always such good friends. She treated me as a sort of tame cat, I must allow; a kind of poor relation; a brother, say. But we were great friends, and she knew I worshipped her. Perhaps Forsyth thought she would worship him. A conceited chap, Forsyth; like all those fellows who get their bread at the West End instead of in the city; like all professional fellows as against trade and commerce and even banking. If Dolly likes it I'll be a banker, anything in fact. I have money enough to leave the city altogether if she wishes it. We shall see. Perhaps it is some trifling affair after all. Forsyth may be in difficulties? Or Mrs. Milbanke may have been speculating? Or Walter? No, that is too absurd. There has been a row. Mrs. Milbanke is a clever woman. She knows exactly what I feel about Dolly. She is going to play me off against the painter. Well, let her, I don't mind. I have thought sometimes that Dolly really likes me as well as she likes Forsyth. Besides, she is accustomed to my society. I know what pleases her. Women may pretend not to care for all sorts of little attentions: they may profess they don't like too much worship. I believe if I did not feel such a fool when I am with Dolly I should have got on better. Why am I such an ass when I am at the Milbankes'? It is only when Dolly is there that I don't feel like myself. Self-consciousness, I suppose. I don't suffer from that folly in the city, nor at the club."

At intervals along the journey this is how Sam's thoughts rambled on. It would have been very clear to Cordiner,