Page:Buddenbrooks vol 1 - Mann (IA buddenbrooks0001mann).pdf/394

RV 382 (BUDDENBROOKS) handle like that, just by itself. No, Thomas, the thing was that it filled the cup to overflowing&mdash;and that didn’t take much, for it was full already, and had been for a long time&mdash;a long time. It would have taken very little to make it run over. And then this happened! The knowledge that I could not depend on Permaneder even in that way&mdash;that put the top on everything. It knocked the bottom out of the cask. It brought to a head all at once my intention to get away from Munich, that had been slowly growing in my mind a long time before that, Tom; for I cannot live down there&mdash;I swear it before God and all His heavenly hosts! How wretched I have been, Thomas, you can never know. When you were there on a visit, I concealed everything, for I am a tactful woman and do not burden others with my complainings, nor wear my heart on my sleeve on a week-day. I have always been rather reserved. But I have suffered, Tom, suffered with my entire being&mdash;with my whole personality, so to speak. Like a plant, a flower that has been transplanted into a foreign soil&mdash;if I may make such a comparison. You will probably find it a most unsuitable one, for I am really an ugly old woman&mdash;but I could not be planted in a more foreign soil than that, and I would just as lief go and live in Turkey! Oh, we should never be transplanted, we northern folk! We should stick to the shore of our own bay; we can only really thrive upon our native soil! You all used to laugh at my taste for the nobility. Yes, in these years I have often thought of what somebody said to me once, in times gone by. A very clever man. ‘Your sympathies are with the nobility,’ he said. ‘Shall I tell you why? Because you yourself belong to the nobility. Your father is a great gentleman, and you are a princess, A gulf lies between you and the rest of us who do not belong to the governing classes.’ Yes, Tom. We feel like the nobility, and we realize the difference; we should never try to live where we are not known, where no one understands our worth, for we shall have nothing but chagrin, and be laughed at for our arrogance. Yes, they

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