Page:Buddenbrooks vol 1 - Mann (IA buddenbrooks0001mann).pdf/351

RV 339 (BUDDENBROOKS) ing to say yes. Of course you know, Ida, that this engagement to Alois&mdash;I say Alois, because of course it is to be&mdash;has nothing very gay or festive about it, and it isn’t really a question of my happiness at all. I am making this second marriage with my eyes open, to make good the mistake of my first one, as a duty which I owe our name. Mother thinks so, and so does Tom.”

“But oh, dear, Tony&mdash;if you don’t like him, and if he won’t make you happy&mdash;”

“Ida, I know life, and I am not a little goose any more. 1 have the use of my senses. I don’t say that Mother would actually insist on it&mdash;when there is a dispute over anything she usually avoids it and says ‘Assez!’ But Tom wants it. I know Tom. He thinks: ‘Anybody! Anybody who isn’t absolutely impossible.’ For this time it is not a question of a brilliant match, but just one that will make good the other one. That is what he thinks. As soon as Permaneder appeared, you may be sure that Tom made all the proper inquiries about his business, and found it was all right&mdash;and then, as far as he was concerned, the matter was settled. Tom is a politician&mdash;he knows what he wants. Who was it threw Christian out? That is strong language, Ida, but that was really the truth of it. And why? Because he was compromising the firm and the family. And in his eyes I do the same thing&mdash;not with words or acts, but by my very existence as a divorced woman. He wants that put an end to, and he is right. I love him none the less for that&mdash;nor, I hope, does he me. In all these years, I have always longed to be out in the world again; it is so dull here in this house. God punish me if that is a sin: but I am not much more than thirty, and I still feel young. People differ about that. You had grey hair at thirty, like all your family and that uncle that died at Marienwerder.”

More and more observations of the same kind followed as the night wore on; and every now and again she would say: “It is to be, after all.” But at length she went to sleep, and slept for five hours on end, deeply and peacefully.

RV 339 (339)