Page:Brief historical relation of the life of Mr. John Livingston Minister of the Gospel.pdf/61

( 61 ) as long at ſmall print, with as little light, and with as little wearying as almoſt any other. My inclination and diſpofition was generally ſoft, amorous, averſe from debates, rather given to laſineſs than raſhneſs, and eaſy to be wrought upon. I cannot ſay what Luther affirmed of himſelf concerning covetouſneſs, but I may ſay I have been leſs troubled with covetousness and cares than many other evils. I rather inclined to ſolitarineſs than company. I was much troubled with wandering of mind and idle thoughts. For outward things I never was rich, and I never was in want, and I do not remember that ever I borrowed money, but once in Ireland 5 or 6 Lib.ſterl. and got it shortly paid. I chooſed rather to want ſundry things than to be in debt. I never put any thing to the fore of any maintainance had, yea, if it had not been for what I got with my wife, and by the death of her brother, and ſome others of her friends, I could hardly have maintained my family, by any ſtipend I had in all the three places I was in.

As for my fpiritual condition, I cannot deny, but ſometimes both in public and private, I have found the Lord work upon, my heart, and give confirmations of kindneſs and engagements to his ſervice; but I do not remember any particular time of converſion, or that I was much caſt down or lifted up. I do remember one night in the Dean of Kilmarnock, having been moſt: of the day before in company with ſome of the people of Stuartoun, who were under rare and ſad exerciſes of mind, I lay down ſome heavineſs that I never had experience of any ſuch thing. That night in the midſt of my deep, there came upon me ſuch a terror of the wrath of God, that if it had increaſed a ſmall degree higher, or continued a minute longer, I had been in as dreadful a condition as ever living man was in, but it was inſtantly removed, and I thought it was laid to me within my heart, See what a fool thou art to defire the thing thou couldſt not endure. And that which I thought ſtrange was, that neither the horror nor the caſe out of it wakened me out of my deep, but I slept till the morning, only the impreſſion of it remained freſh with me for a reſonable time thereafter. As concerning my gift of preaching,